Le Pros and Le Cons of Living with Monsieur Le Bourgeois

As some of you may know, I have been living (or rather surviving) with the Bourgeois Biggani for the last couple of months. You may also know that he has manged to break my trolley and my fridge in the said period; he has also once kept his spectacles inside the microwave and rigged the kitchen utensils in such a manner that boiling oil falls on me.

And now I get the news that he is somewhat a babe magnet in the Center for DNA Disturbing in Nampally, Hyderabad. Apparently its his bourgeois snobbery that has bowled over the assembled female nerdasses. [forget bowling over, I have never been able to even nudge any member of the female species {I blame by proletariat farming ancestors for my complete lack of snobbery}]

Anyway, this missive is to all them horny nerds who are dreaming of the Bourgeois one.

Cons

• Well, he is a bourgeois commie liberal, and so firmly believes that USA, Narendra Modi and Trinamool Congress are the axis of evil.....and that the Taliban/Al-Qaeda being popular movements, should be lauded and appreciated

• He farts like a ninja - silent and deadly. In fact, it is my firm belief that his farts can be considered as WMDDs (weapons of mass devastation and desolation). I am thinking of writing to those Bodo people telling them how to get rid of all those illegal immigrants. Just feed the Bourgeois one with lots of beans and radishes and point his ass towards the Bangladesh border. Those bangals won't know what hit them.

• He drinks alcohol by the bucketful.......and then pukes in the same bucket.

• Every night, suspicious white substances are seen on lips.....he claims it is Boroline, but there is no material evidence supporting his claims. 

• Once drunk, he goes all misty-eyed about his past love life and calls up Diptarup Nandi.

• He is mildly racist and supremely snobbish.

• He claims he is poor, but refuses to drink anything apart from imported Scotch.

• Keep him away from a bed, he does weird things to it.

• He never ever switches off. Its as if switching off is a proletariat activity and so beneath him. Light, fan, mobile charger, laptop charger, microwave open would all be on 24/7/365. In fact the only thing that he switches off is the fridge.

Pros

So you must be asking yourself why le me (a bonafide member of the awesome community) is living with le him. You see, underneath all that snobbery, lies a heart of petrol (more expensive).

• He is kind, good humoured and extremely emo-blackmailable.
• He makes a mean brinjal fry.
• He is extremely ticklish (and I can't stress the advantages of this point enough).
• He knows some epic eating joints in Bangalore.
• When he gets one of them scientific awards, I want to be included in the thanksgiving speech; its the closest I will ever come to science.

Plus, as all of you already know, he has extracted a  lot of my DNA in his pursuit of genetic mutation. The military-industrial complex is sponsoring him in his quest to make a new species - half-man half-wasps....apparently the next big thing is bio-chemical warfare....and since those buggers will be created from my DNA, I will be able to telepathetically control them.


I will have my own army and I will take over the world.

Muhahhahahhahhahaaa