Philosophical Musings

Who exactly was it who robbed Peter to pay Paul?


Forget the incongruity of Mary being a virgin,
forget whether Jesus was married or was a brothel botherer,
forget the Illuminati and the Knights Templars,
forget the question of whether the dude who designed the Pope's hat was taking the piss,

the real Biblical mystery......apart from the epic question of how many people got to lick Lot's wife......

is the identity of the dude who stole some denarii from Peter and gave the said denarii to Paul.


There are other questions related to this mysterious even also.


For example, why was Paul being paid? It seems before conversion he was a Roman tent-maker called Saul. Now was that money the price of a tent? Why did anyone need a tent in Jerusalem, never mind Damascus or Rome? And why did he change his name?


And what about Peter? It seems he was a fisherman called Simon before all the hallelujah business. So why was he carrying the money anyway? Was it for a new boat? And why did he change his name?


But by the time Saul became Paul, Peter was an old duffer and ergo retired...in fact the Romans kicked Peter's bucket in AD 64 and Paul's at around the same time. So it can be reasonably assumed that Peter did not need money for a boat. So, what did he need the money for?


And how much was stolen anyway?


What did the police report say?



And to top it all, it seems that Peter himself owed the Romans some denarii, which is why said Romans crucified him upside down hoping that the denarii would fall out of the pockets of Peter's loincloth.



There is something very fishy...and not least because Peter was a fisherman......I smell a conspiracy.



Come on all you Biblical historian types.



We need to be told.



Why can't Telugu architects make two consecutive steps of the same size?


I mean seriously, how difficult is it? Them ancient and medieval types managed to build palaces, tombs, forts etc. So how come the modern ones suck at stairs?


The Kannada ones seem to manage fine, the Delhi ones work pretty well, even those lazy ass Bong ones mange to do it, so why not Telugus?


They happily go around building lavatories for pigeons (statues to you and me), airports, buildings etc.


But when it comes to making two consecutive steps of the same size, somehow all their intelligence, skills, architectural knowledge fly away in a way reminiscent of my courage when confronted by an angry She Who Must Be Obeyed.


Who decided to make vodka from potatoes?


Look at it this way.


Making alcohol out of wheat, rye, barley, grapes etc is nothing compared to making it out of potato.



Think about it, one fine day, some dude gets up, picks up a potato,and thinks, I won't boil it, I won't fry it, I won't mash it, instead I will make vodka out of it.


I mean what kind of lateral out of the box thinking genius can come up with something like that. Forget Da Vinci or Archimedes or McGyver, when it comes to creating magic, noone can beat his fella.


So who was he?


We need to be told.



What happened to the apple?


We all know the story of the apple falling on Newton and from that the epic nerd discovering gravity. But do we know what happened to the apple.


I mean that apple is a historical artefact with more actual value than even the Ark of the Covenant.


So what happened to it?


Did Newton eat it raw? Did he give it to his landlady to make a pie? Or a tart? Did he nonchalantly throw it away and did a passing goat eat it?


Come on historians, pull up yer pants, what happened to that apple?


We need to know.


Why do males have nipples?


Seriously, can anyone answer that?


The survival of the mammal species dictate that females need to have them. Not only are they essential to feed the wee ones, adult men (and lesbians) seem to have way too much fun with them (and the surrounding areas). 


But as far as males are concerned, they serve no purpose....apart from handing footy defenders another way to hurt opposition strikers (if you have ever played footy and have not suffered a nippletwitch/burn/pinch during a corner or a free kick then you are one lucky bastard).


Nipples (on men) can't even be termed vestigial organs coz

a. they are not organs
b. nowhere in the evolutionary spectrum has males ever had to produce milk, so they have always been useless


Forget humans, even them primates like the gorillas seem to have them. And there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that male gorillas have any use for them either.

So, why are they here?


Them anthropologist dudes need to find out.


We need to be told.


and finally


Why is Kalou?


Why? Just why??? Why???????

Guilty as Charged

SOD knows that I have always tried not to disturb or hurt people. Am talking physically of course, noone bothers or should bother to get hurt mentally etc.


Accidents (like falling on the back of Roshni), inadvertent actions and Shahir do not count.


However, it seems that someone has got hurt directly because of my actions......


....or rather because of my inability to do any actions.


You see, this colleague of mine was gracious and kind enough to volunteer to pick me up from home to office and then drop me back home from office.


Suffice to say this was during the period when my spine had gone all kaboom of doom on my ass, as a result of which I was only partially mobile.


I couldn't ride Baldrick but had to go to office coz..well...because my parents aren't crorepatis.


So the colleague used to take me along on her two wheeler.


Now, the problem is that the colleague is a girl whilst I am a quintal sack of potatoes.


So, inevitably, after a few days she got injured....her hands, shoulder, back, legs all started hurting.


Now, being a nice guy (in spite of all rumours to the contrary), I couldn't come with her anymore (though she still wanted to bring me)


So Baldrick ahoy.


As a result of all that riding, now the PAIN is back and I can't turn my neck again.


Sigh

Assault and Battery

Yep, I was assaulted.



It happened on Friday night when I was coming back from office.


I was riding Baldrick, minding my own business dreaming of ice creams, when all of a sudden........



kablamusamundo.



A bike started riding up my left leg.



I turn back to see the teeming hordes of Xerxes attacking me.





Huh, so not content with stealing my toothbrush, that heinous cabal of evil secret societies have now gone to their next activity in their project Nefarious Purpose and have conducted dark magic to bring back Xerxes's hordes (including it seems one of them black clad immortal) from the dead to attack me.




But I am fearless (apart from being terrified, mortified, petrified etc of girls in general and She Who Must Be Obeyed in particular...and Morris dancing....and baboons.....and height....and confined spaces...and suffocation....and mimes....and public lavatories....and a post-apocalyptic world where there is no ice cream etc etc).






So employing my ninja like speed, I grasped my water bottle, and was about to launch myself at the enemy while shouting in a Leonidasesque manner  "This is Banjara.....




when




On further investigation, it turned out that they were not actually the teeming hordes of Xerxes but a screaming horde of Old City....there was the papa, there was the burqa clad mama (probably...but u never know), and there were abt half a dozen wee ones of various shapes and sizes...all shouting as if the sky had fallen on their heads....whereas all that had happened is that the man had lost his balance.


He gave me a highly sheepish smile and apologized profusely.


I gave him a highly condescending nod and rode away...............and then started rubbing my leg furiously...it was hurting like buggrit.



No permanent damage done, I can still waddle as well as the best of them.

Daylight Robbery

No, I am not talking about the Bayern Munich attackers Permacrocked Robben and Pedophile Ribbery.


I am talking about actual thieves and their motivations.


Don't get me wrong. I know that in most cases, i.e. for the poor lads,  it is the lack of any other skills or opportunity and a bleak future, that take them to the path of thievery. The theory doesn't apply to politicians because they are amoral soulless parasites of the lowest order..and to become a politician you have to be more corrupt and selfish than.....well Communists and feminists.



But what about motivation? I can understand stealing food, money, jewelery, valuable objects or instruments with resell value etc.


But just what motivates a person to steal my used toothbrush?? Why??? Just why????


I know its not in the same league as stealing, say Ratnadev Chanda's used, torn, dirty underwear; but then again, there is no rational, logical, sentient reason for that anyway. Only a highly highly mightily disturbed individual (or an Arsenal defender) can ever even dream about such an act, never mind doing it.


But to come back to the point, just what use is an used toothbrush to anybody? Why steal it?


But after intensive cogitations, in-depth ruminations and encyclopedic pondering, I have figurred out the reason why.


By now you must be aware of the awful machinations and skullduggeries of that cabal of highly powerful secret societies like The Freemasons, The Illuminati, The Order of Skull and Bones, The Brotherhood of Mutants, The Rosicrucians, The Order of the Temples of the East, The Hermetic Order of The Golden Dawn, The Bilderburg Group, The Boudi Hordes of the Great Indian Chunkubaaz, The Priory of Sion, The Cultural Studies Hypocrites of EFLU, The AIM, The Brethren Court, The Opus Dei, SPECTRE, and The Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night.


What do you think is the thread that binds all of them? What do you think is the common plan of action? what is it that brought all of them together?




That's right.




They all want the complete and utter annihilation, decimation, extermination, liquidation, obliteration and hecatomb of me.




But, having failed in all of their endeavors so far, they have now devised on the master-plan of creating my clone. 




They figure that if they can get the clone and me together in one place at the same time, the resulting awesomeness will destroy everything, including us, within a 420 kilometer radius.  




Hence, to get access to my DNA, they stole my toothbrush.




There cannot be any other explanation.